shutterstock.com

STANDARDS

Common Core: RH.6-8.1, RH.6-8.2, RH.6-8.4, RH.6-8.5, WHST.6-8.2, WHST.6-8.5, RI.6-8.1, RI.6-8.2, RI.6-8.4, W.6-8.2, W.6-8.5, SL.6-8.1, SL.6-8.6

NCSS: Individual Development and Identity • Individuals, Groups, and Institutions • Civic Ideals and Practices

CIVICS

How to Talk About Politics and Other Tricky Topics

(Without Yelling or Losing Friends)

Having difficult conversations can actually benefit you—and the country—as long as you focus on understanding, not winning.

As You Read, Think About: How does talking with people who have different ideas and beliefs support democracy?

You talk about TikTok, math homework, and plans for the weekend. But do you and your friends ever discuss serious topics that affect your community, country, or world? 

At a time when everything from school dress codes to workers’ pay can trigger debates, many Americans don’t. About 45 percent of people in the United States limit who they talk about politics with, according to a survey by the Pew Research Center. 

But avoiding hard conversations isn’t the answer, experts say, especially in a country with almost 330 million people of varied backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs. In fact, talking with each other is key to solving the nation’s problems.

That’s where civil discourse comes in. Civil discourse is the practice of having respectful and constructive conversations with people whose views are different from yours. The goal is not to win an argument or change anyone’s mind but to understand where people are coming from, explains Lara Schwartz. She is the director of the American University Project on Civil Discourse in Washington, D.C. 

A civil conversation can lead to new ideas for addressing issues, Schwartz says. It can also help bridge political or social divides that may feel overwhelming at first.

“Civil discourse shows people that you might be disagreeing with their idea, but you’re not disrespecting them as a person,” explains Schwartz. “It shows that you see the problems of society as separate from the people in it.” 

Bob Gorrell/Creators.com

The donkey is a symbol of the Democratic Party. The elephant is a symbol of the Republican Party. What is this cartoon saying about the two political parties? How might civil discourse help?

Listen to Understand

Civil discourse takes practice, whether it’s in the classroom or outside of school. One of the most important skills to master is listening for understanding, says Cheryl Graeve of the National Institute for Civil Discourse in Washington, D.C. Too often, she explains, people plan their response before the other person has even finished talking. 

Ask your friends what they think about a topic, such as equality or the environment, then keep an open mind as you really listen to their answers. “Try to put yourself in the other kid’s shoes,” Graeve says. 

55

Percentage of Americans who had been in a political discussion that involved verbal attacks, insults, or name-calling in 2020—up from 41 percent in 2016 

SOURCE: VitalSmarts

Restate what the other person just said in your own words—without judgment or accusations—and ask whether you understood him or her correctly. Gain extra insight with follow-up questions, such as What experiences made you think that way about this issue?

As you listen, look for common ground. Maybe you both love a certain hobby, have relatives in the same state, or prioritize values such as respect and freedom. Pointing out connections can make hearing and valuing each other’s input easier. It also can help remind both of you that the other person is a human too. “They may have different life experiences, they may have different beliefs, but they are a human being,” Graeve says.

Speak Respectfully 

Think about a productive goal for the conversation—such as clearly explaining why you feel the way you do about a certain topic. Let’s say your friend texts a meme that you consider offensive. If you are comfortable doing so, seek out that friend to talk in person about the meme and how it made you feel. It’s often easier to stay respectful when you are face-to-face, experts say. 

Research the topic before you get together to help figure out exactly what you want to say—and why (see “Check the Facts!,” below)

When you meet, take a few breaths before speaking, to center your thoughts and emotions. Set the tone with a statement like I respect you, but I disagree with your opinion on this topic, and here’s why. 

Then “speak from the heart, but also speak with respect,” Graeve advises. Talking from a place of anger or aggression may make your friend less likely to listen. 

Sharing a personal story to demonstrate why you feel the way you do may help the other person see the topic from your perspective, suggests Joseph William Singer, a professor at Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Massachusetts. 

If you and the other person disagree about the facts, you can research them together or separately, then reconvene. “If someone has an opinion because of things that are not true, it is really important for you to figure that out,” Singer says.

Check the Facts!

Listening respectfully doesn’t mean you should believe everything you hear.

Illustration by Louisa Bertman

• Get to know the topic. Do more research using a trustworthy source, such as an online encyclopedia or a government website. (Look for URLs ending in .gov.) You can ask a school librarian to help you find more sources.  

• Get the facts. Verify any information that you are not sure about on an impartial fact-checking website, such as PolitiFact.com or FactCheck.org.

• Check multiple sources. Media outlets may present a topic from different angles, so seek out a range of news sources. Evaluate whether the reporters back up their claims with valid reasons and facts. Do they quote experts qualified to comment on the topic?

• Follow up. If you are wrong, admit it. But if the other person’s facts don’t check out, try to explain that in a respectful way, such as: I understand why you might think that, but I looked it up and here’s what I learned.

Change the World

Achieving solutions through civil discourse can take time. (Our nation’s founders took months to agree on what the U.S. Constitution should say!) But the better you get at it, the more power you’ll have. 

That’s because a democracy like the United States works best when people exchange ideas respectfully, Schwartz says. For example, at some point you might want your town to adopt a new policy. You’re more likely to succeed in making that happen if you can persuade other people to agree with you. 

You’re also more likely to come up with solutions that other people can agree on if you understand multiple perspectives, Schwartz says. “Being wide open to how people are thinking can give you the power to solve problems and get far in life,” she explains.

So go ahead and get talking—civilly, of course. 

Quiz: What’s Your Civil Discourse IQ?

Decide whether each statement is true or false

1

The best way to make others agree with your point of view is to tell them why they are wrong.


2

If your friend knows a lot about a topic, you do not need to check the information that he or she tells you.


3

Explaining how an issue has affected your family can help people understand your views.


Leveled Articles (1)
PDF
Leveled Text: How to Talk About Politics and Other Tricky Topics

A lower-Lexile version of the article in a printer-friendly PDF

Text-to-Speech